I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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