I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
