worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
