you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
