Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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