he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
