Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
