It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
