Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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