So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
