hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I need moral support for this bender
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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