Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
