you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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