Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
