Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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