just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
