He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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