i'm signing you up for texting rehab
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
