I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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