Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
