Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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