We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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