oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
