I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
