I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
