I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
