Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
