A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
