They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
