New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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