The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
