Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
