plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
its liver damage thursday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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