remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
the raccoons are back...
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