Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
