you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
