I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize