Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
