No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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