I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
