Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize