dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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