meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
