If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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