that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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