look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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