So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
