I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
