I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
