Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
