East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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