evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
