No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
