im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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