The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
