ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
