I just threw up on my dentist
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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