She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
