my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize