I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
