I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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