Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
