EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
