If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
