i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
