Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize