how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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