his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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