he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
