im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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