The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
