he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
