so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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