He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
