You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
