I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
