I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
