there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
