i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
