He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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