I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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