TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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