Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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