When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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