if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
