well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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