Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
