so explain again why im purple
no
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
