she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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