i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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