There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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