I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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