I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
