He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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