I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
