I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
