I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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